


Ain't Nobody Hurt You Like I Hurt You (Ain't Nobody Love You Like I Do)

by swaeg_yoongii



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2014 Era (Phandom), Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Boys In Love, Complicated Relationships, Depression, Doubt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Consent, Explicit Language, Falling In Love, Fear, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealous Dan Howell, Jealousy, M/M, Male Friendship, Male Protagonist, Mental Breakdown, Nightmares, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Relationship Problems, Sad Dan Howell, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 07:00:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swaeg_yoongii/pseuds/swaeg_yoongii
Summary: It takes a small spark to light the fire, and a light breeze to distinguish it.Just like that, it only takes one livestream for Dan and Phil to start a fight, and a windy night to end it.





	Ain't Nobody Hurt You Like I Hurt You (Ain't Nobody Love You Like I Do)

_They were Dan and Phil._  


Two British guys who share their lives with millions of fans through YouTube.

There was nothing unstable about their relationship. They were Dan and Phil, who had mutual friends and shared an apartment. Everyone knew that.

They were two souls absorbed into one branding.

_Dan and Phil._  


  


You couldn't just like one of them and not the other. You couldn't befriend the one and leave the other out. You couldn't feature only one of them in a Radioshow, you had to have both.

During these five years of knowing each other, their relationship had passed through many different stages. It started with awkwardness and a few, well-organized hang outs, continued with bonding over video games and YouTube, then earned its official title of friendship with more frequent visits and random texts, and finally formed into something else, something bigger and stronger, which made them believe that they were each other's soulmate.

It was never a big deal. They were comfortable with each other's presence, trusted one another with their lives and loved and cherished their friendship in their own little way. 

  


Dan never really experienced love. Love, as in a non-platonic, romantic type of connection. Sure, he had had several crushes throughout the years and had managed to be in a few relationships as well, but he had never felt that heartwarming spark of lightning whenever a special someone spent quality time with him. Well, unless two years ago.

Three years into their friendship and Dan had started realising how much he enjoyed Phil's presence. He would always get butterflies whenever he hung out with him, even in the most simple of ways, like sitting in the same couch to watch an anime. All these years, doing these things seemed normal. But now, Dan felt warm inside feeling the side of Phil's arm or thigh softly touching his. Suddenly, he wanted to take Phil out more, yearned the small butterfly touches and felt the undeniably strong urge to keep him to himself.

Dan always had little self-control. He was unable to hide his feelings for long, contain his thoughts, and restrain himself from giving into his deepest urges and temptations. Throughout the four years of their residing together, Phil was completely aware of that.

Phil had always been socially confident. Not in a level where it's healthy and very much admirable, but to an extent to where he felt an overwhelming urge to befriend every single person that interacted with him, and maybe even flirt with both guys and girls here and there. Dan had caught onto that quite quickly and was totally okay with it.

  


But with Dan's newfound feelings towards his best friend, it was getting harder and harder to contain his frustration and jealousy whenever Phil would get too touchy or flirty with people that were certainly not him. And after years of trying to compose himself and convince his heart that this was wrong and that Phil was only a platonic acquaintance, he finally snapped. 

During an interview for a famous YouTube channel, a lady from backstage kept flirting with Phil, and he didn't hesitate to do it back. Everyone else was oblivious of the situation, but Dan knew exactly what he was seeing. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and silently scoff, thinking what on earth Phil saw on her that he couldn't provide. Maybe it was the long hair and her body. He quickly discarded that thought, suddenly feeling really self-conscious. And before he even knew it, the interview was over. Dan didn't even realize how fast he had pulled Phil out of the bright room and dragged him to their apartment. 

“What the Hell, Dan?” Phil asked, annoyed at the fact that he was very rudely dragged back home, and mildly startled and confused. 

Dan only glared at him, lips pursed and eyes dark with envy. “Shouldn't I be asking you that, Phil?” he retorted back.

“Can you quit playing games?” Phil scoffed. “Why did you drag me home as if I'm a little child misbehaving?”

“We need to talk” was all he said, gesturing for Phil to join him on the couch of their living room. The older complied, taking a seat.

“What do we need to talk about?” he asked with a sigh.

Dan's mind was hyperventilating, thinking about the way he would confess his feelings to his best friend and how wrong it could go, while his heart felt as if it was going to burst out of his chest. Nevertheless, Dan took a seat next to him and cleared his throat.

“About u-us” To say he was terrified would be an understatement.

“Us?” The ravenette raised one eyebrow. “What is there to talk about us?”

And it would be easier for Dan to explain himself out of this situation if Phil didn't look so goddamn attractive, with his red and black flannel and glasses and these sinful lips. With a cloudy mind and beating heart, he did what he thought was right and leaned in, pecking the corner of his best friend's lips softly. 

Phil's eyes widened as he flinched, startled. “What was that?” he calmly asked, touching the spot Dan's lips had planted themselves on so tenderly, only seconds ago.

“I'm sorry” was the only response Dan could master at that moment. He was panicking, so much that the uneven beating of his heart had managed to block every sound and his face was bright red. He covered his face with his hands as a tears formed in his eyes. “I'm so sorry, fuck, Phil, I'm sorry, please--”

“Hey, calm down” Phil warned, putting a sympathetic hand on Dan's shoulder. “It's okay Dan. Just relax and you'll explain to me afterwards”

And who was Dan to deny? At this point Phil had gotten a little closer and he could hardly hear his steady breathing over his heavy own. Not wanting to disappoint him, he tried timing his breathing to Phil's, calming himself down and wiping his tears with his sweater paws.

“I'm so sorry, I--” he apologized again. “I just don't like it when you do that. W-When you flirt with anyone right in front of m-me, I can't just watch and do nothing you know?”

“So.. You're jealous?” Phil asked. He knew Dan was indeed jealous. It was obvious. But for some reason, he wanted him to admit it.

“N-No, yes, maybe..” Dan said, his voice muffled by Phil's shirt, as the older had moved even closer to him and embraced him in a comforting hug.

“Dan, do you like me? Like, in a non-platonic way?” Phil asked again, rubbing soothing circles onto the exposed skin of Dan's neck. Dan always hated it when people invaded his private space, especially if they were too close to nape and neck, but when Phil did it, it was okay. Phil was always the exception to the rule.

“I have for quite a while now” the brunette confessed, sniffing. Somehow, Phil had once again managed to calm him down.

“And why didn't you tell me earlier?” Phil's hand was now massaging Dan's scalp, softly running his fingers through his brown locks. His intense breathing had stopped and he was no longer shaking, but Phil knew he was still too sensitive to let go of.

“Was afraid..” Dan murmured, inhaling Phil's scent as his eyes started feeling heavier. “Sleepy..” he whispered again, balancing his weight on Phil's broad chest.

The ravenette carefully slided off the couch and picked the other up, slowly and steadily guiding him to his bedroom. He removed his clothes and tucked him into the bed, whispering a sweet “Goodnight” as he closed the lights and left the room.

  


After that day, their relationship proceeded to the next level. It was still a friendship, but more things, intimate at that, were added. After that day, they would steal kisses from each other randomly, cuddle more, and make love. But they never put a label into their relationship. Dan hated labels and, to be quite honest, they just made the whole thing even more complicated than it already was. They just lived for the moment enjoying each other's existence.

  


It had been months after when they found themselves doing a liveshow together, wearing warm pajamas and casually chatting with their fans. It was all going well, until Phil decided to talk about a friend of his and expressing how much he'd like to share an apartment with him.

Now, after that day, they both managed to get to know each other a little better. They discovered their pet peeves and both of them made sure not to trigger them during that period of time. Phil learned that Dan was really possessive and protective over his things. Dan discovered that Phil wasn't into exclusivity, unless his significant other meant the world to him. So when the older started confessing that he wanted another roomate, Dan felt as if he didn't matter to him anymore.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Oh so you wanna change roommates don't you” he said, trying to hide his jealousy with the best fake smile he could master.

“Yeah, sure. I mean, it doesn't have to be an apartment with two rooms. It could be us and him. Would you like that or is it a no?” Phil, completely oblivious, asked. He turned his head to face Dan, who only licked the inside of his cheek in annoyance.

“No, I wouldn't like that” he said, turning around from the camera and standing up from his sitting position on the couch. He motioned for Phil to 'close the goddamn camera already' as panick showered Phil's face, but he concealed it with a fake smile, and an all-too-rushed goodbye followed by the sound of the livestream ending. By the time Phil was standing on his feet, Dan stormed over to him.

“What the fuck, man?” he angrily called.

Phil, still as dense, widened his eyes at his loud voice. “What are you talking about?”

Dan scoffed as loudly as possible, placing his hands on his hips. “What am I talking about? Seriously, Phil?” 

He moved even closer to him and pointed a finger straight to his chest. “You, my friend, are a real fucking dick” he spat.

Phil visibly flinched, his eyes now lacing with worry and anxiety. What had he done wrong? Not giving him any time to speak, Dan took a long breath in order to restrain himself from literally slapping Phil across the face.

“You know what you fucking did.” he said. “You know that I'm so damn in love with you and yet you love making me suffer, don't you?” he bitterly spat. “You keep doing this thing where it's like I don't even fucking exist anymore and you have to make plans that don't involve me. What even was that? Moving with someone else? After four years of living together, you want to move out? Wow.. This is just, great, yeah, that's fucking amazing Phil”

He paced around the room, clearly stressed, his voice quivering, as if every single word that comes out of his mouth brings him one step closer to breaking down right then and there. But he doesn't stop. He can't stop now.

“But you know what's the worst part Lester? That you know how fucking self-conscious it makes me to see you preferring others over me. Hell, you even admitted that you'll be exclusive only to the one person that means everything for you and for a little bit, I thought that could be me but it clearly isn't” he said, heart beating unevenly and breath hitching here and there. “I just-- I hate you for leading me on like that Phil.. It was such a dick move of you. Do you know how much it hurts? Seeing the only person making you happy, your first love, rejecting you like that? Wow, just wow, Phil Lester. I'm-- I'm so fucking done with you” he exclaimed, heart now broken and mind clouded. He just needed to get out of there--he had to escape.

And as he was about to do just that, he felt his wrist being grabbed from behind. He closed his eyes and let his head drop. He knew he shouldn't let Phil stop him, that he should get out of his reach and lock himself in his room, but it was as if his mind was demanding for his body to stay glued to the floor and let him explain.

“Dan” Phil softly said. “I'm so sorry”

Dan could feel the tears piling up in his eyes but he still stayed put. He had to.

“I'm so so terribly sorry and I promise never to do that again” he inhaled. “I'm such an asshole for doing such thing even though I know how much it bothers you. You're right, I don't deserve you and I never will” 

And as much as Dan wanted to turn around and hug him, tell him how it's okay and that he does deserve him, and just how damn much he loves him, he doesn't. Instead, he smoothly slides his hand out of Phil's grip and sighs. He doesn't look at him, because he knows that if he does, it's over. He could never resist him. But he had to. 

He slowly walked out of the room, slipping into his own and locking the door. Phil could only watch, his hand still gripping the image of Dan's hand, not wanting to let go even if he just did.

  


Dan doesn't cry. No, he just collapses onto his bed and covers his face with his hands. His body feels numb, his mind tangled and his heart completely shattered. His eyes are heavy, and they sting, begging for Dan to let the tears spill out of them, but he doesn't. He simply closes them and falls asleep. Hoping of waking up to a slightly less broken heart and a certain Phil Lester laying close by his side.

  


And he gets exactly what he wished for, as the first thing he notices after opening his eyes the next day, is Phil laying half naked beside him, and he finds the will inside him to crack a small smile. For now, he doesn't want to question it. He just wants to close his eyes again and fall back asleep in the comfort of his lover's arms. But it's not long after that Phil slowly opens his eyes too, immediately smiling at the sight in front of him.

“Morning” he mumbles, his deep morning voice making Dan feel all warm and tingly on the inside.

“Morning” he replies, reaching down to intertwine their fingers, but Phil is quick to move his hand away. Before he knew it, his hand was now caressing his cheek.

“Why are you crying?”

What?

Dan reaches for his cheeks to feel that they're indeed wet with tears. He's confused, to say at least, and kind of concerned.

“Why am I crying?” he asks himself. “I don't know”

Phil just leans in to peck his cheek. “Go back to sleep” and he does. And this time, he doesn't fall asleep with a broken heart and an empty space beside him.

  


But he wakes up like that.

It's cold, colder than any winter morning he's ever experienced. He is shivering, pulling the blanket closer to his freezing body as his breath makes smoke patterns in the air. He panicks, thinking about the possible things that could have happened during the time he was asleep. He questions his sanity, contemplating whether he's dreaming or this is reality, as he quickly removes the blanket off of him and stands up. It's undeniably cold, but he can somehow sense a source of warmth coming from the other side of the house, and suddenly he finds himself stepping closer to where Phil's room is located. He doesn't knock when he reaches the door, just turns the handle and steps in, only for the room to turn ice cold once he sets foot in it. All the warmth inside Phil's body seems to be extinguished, and he can only stand and watch as the light behind his eyes completely leaves his body and he turns into a lifeless statue made out of ice. Suddenly, he's falling, drowning into an endless black abyss and absorbed into nothingness, and the next thing he knows, he's jumping out of bed, trying to catch his breath as Phil rubs his back soothingly.

What the fuck?

“What happened?” asks Phil, and he doesn't know, he doesn't know what happened and what's going on and if this is is really happening or he is about to wake up into another universe once more. He only focuses on Phil's presence for now, leaning in to hold his hand and intertwine their fingers as his head rests on his shoulder.

“Are you real?” is all he asks, receiving a small chuckle.

“Have I ever not been?” Phil jokes, although he doesn't know that yes, he pretty much didn't exist minutes ago. But that was all in Dan's mind. Probably.

Dan just closes his eyes and waits. He waits for the moment that his eyes will crack open in fear of what they're about to witness this time, as he experiences yet another alternative reality. It's terrifying to even think about, and for some reason, his eyes are still tightly closed and Phil's hand is still laced with his. He opens one eye, just to make sure this isn't another dream, and surely, Phil is still there, holding him protectively.

“I'm sorry about the things I said earlier. I love you, Philly. Let's not fight again” he said, tightening his hold around Phil's hand.

Phil looks mildly confused. “We fought?”

Dan's eyes snap open. “We didn't?”

“Last time we fought, it was because I kept eating your cereal. If you're talking about that, there's really nothing to apologize for I'm just a cereal maniac”

And Dan just might have started sobbing.

He couldn't help it, he was so confused and mentally exhausted, he just wanted to sleep and wake up in the right universe, with Phil by his side and no more weird dreams.

Phil is now hugging him, whispering sweet words in his ear to calm him down, and soon, Dan is falling back asleep in his arms.

  


This time, Phil sleeps with him. He cuddles the younger brunette close to his chest, holding him close and keeping him warm. He falls asleep with him, with a hand in his hair and an arm wrapped around his waist. He doesn't let go.

Dan wakes up to breakfast in bed. It's not much, but it makes him feel a lot better. Phil is sitting next to him on the bed, eating his own breakfast as Attack On Titan plays on his phone. It's their favorite anime.

The day goes by quickly. Dan avoids naps along the day in case any weird things occur again. When nighttime comes, Dan doesn't even have to ask Phil to sleep next to him before the older is sliding inside the covers with him. They hold each other tightly and wake up in the same position, with a genuine smile on their faces.

  


Dan no longer is afraid of labels. He realised how much Phil meant to him and decided that it's time to finally make a stable change in his life.

Phil is now exclusive to non other than Daniel Howell. The love of his life and now boyfriend. They live through the struggles of life together, forever.

  


_They are_ _Dan_ _and Phil._  


Two British boyfriends who share their lives with millions of fans through YouTube.

They were two souls absorbed into one label.

  
_Dan and Phil._  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hello Internet! So this is my first phanfic on ao3 (I do have a wattpad account with many stories @swaeg-yoongii so y'all better check that out) and I'm quite excited for it (: This idea came to me while watching a compilation of Dan being jealous and a certain clip of Dan being extremely pissed at Phil because of mentioning a person that he wanted to share an apartment with, either with or without Dan. It just lit a spark inside me and I literally spent all night writing it in my head so I hope it actually turns out as good. Enjoy ⚛


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